Like an idiot, I slept all day. Which isn’t entirely my fault. It’s work’s fault. And whoever made it so damn cold…it’s that person’s fault. So here I sit, wide awake, in the middle of the night (actually, it’s early morning. And people are getting up for work and school and life, I’m the only lazy ass whining about being awake in the morning). Because I spent all day sleeping and all night eating chocolate and watching movies, I’ve fallen into some kind of strange depression marked by feeling certain things and then consciously (I just spell checked that, I’m not even smart anymore) doing absolutely nothing about it. For example, feeling fat and eating chocolate for dinner. Feeling stupid and reaffirming it to myself and the world (well, to Leda. Just as important.) Feeling lazy and sleeping all day. Feeling like a horrible person that is leaving an even more horrible impact on the world and littering/not recycling/eating poor, defenseless creatures. So I’m constantly in this state of feeling depressed and useless and then, whether on purpose or not, making it worse from bad day to bad day to bad day. Going around thinking these negative things about myself, causing complete self hatred and tears and grumpiness towards my fellow man. Then, instead of changing my actions, I do something that I know won’t make it better, that will keep things static and unchanged, that will keep me and those around me unhappy, that will cause those problems to grow and take over and choke out everything good. Maybe I don’t “know”, maybe not a real choice on my part, but I have enough of an idea of what’s going on to be blogging about it.
Anyways. I suppose it’s time for some changes. Some big-good-for-myself-and-humanity ones and some small-still-good-for-humanity-but-mostly-selfish ones too. I’m not sure what I’ll start with, I have some ideas, but nothing is certain. Except one thing, ofcourse. That tomorrow (or technically, today) is a new day.
