oh the times, they are a’changin’
Time to do something about some things. Well. About everything, really.
What’s the point in being alive if you’re not even going to attempt to be happy?
And if you’re doing the same things, in the same manner, and you’re miserable, then why aren’t you doing something to fix it? So why aren’t you, Lauren, damn’t.
Progress. I suppose it’s about time.
It’s easy enough to “bla bla bla my rotten existence bla”. I’ve become so complacent. I’m sure there was a time that I was better off, but I can’t remember when it was, which means it’s probably best to forget about it and start anew. I probably wasn’t all that happy anyways. Or I’d remember it. I think.
I’m sabotaging every good situation I have. And then I don’t realize it until I’m missing it. Until it’s over. And then it’s booze and rock bottom and fuzzy memories. Oh, and tears.
Anyways. I think this might work. I mean, it can’t hurt. Make little changes in hopes of seeing a greater change. A complete transformation, so to speak. The little drunk depressed insecure caterpillar becomes a beautiful and cheerful and sober butterfly? Sure. Whatever. You get what I’m getting at, I hope.
So. First things first, I suppose I should take a little inventory of what I do have. If anything, it will cheer me up while I’m feeling quite down (see, I’m already trying. I knew this was genius). I have a job. Two jobs, actually, in an economy where a lot of people have no jobs. And because of these 2 jobs I have the money to go visit Leda and buy essential items, like gasoline and cute dresses. Kind of a big deal, considering that 6 months ago I couldn’t afford to feed myself. I have my family, mostly. The best parts of my family, definitely. I have a roof over my head and all of the wonderful things that come with it (heat, showers, coffee maker, lean cuisines, hbo) and I know what it’s like to not have any of those things and how very difficult it can be. I have a Zach, who isn’t a boyfriend, but is wonderful and caring and loves me in that oh so special platonic way that means so much more to me than the “let’s get sexy” way. I have my health and if I fix some things now, I’ll have it for a lot longer. Many years, hopefully good ones. It may not be much. I’m not rich or traveling or madly in love/dating Adrien Brody or doing all of the other things that I want to be doing. But this is my lot in life, right now, and it’s not a bad lot at all. It may not be beach front living, but it certainly isn’t the seedy part of town either. So. Feeling better already. Now it’s time for some hbo. Maybe a lean cuisine. Probably not though, I’m still terribly full from Paula Deen’s restaurant. Look at me, being all positive, sneaking in more stock for my happy-inventory.
